Mama
What I’ve Learned About Being a Mama During Quaratine
Have you learned something new about yourself or your needs during this time of quarantine? I sure have! I have so much love and appreciation for all those who have had to work throughout these changing times as well as those fighting to keep everyone the safest they can.
I have always been someone who probably thinks about every decision way more than I should. I second guess myself or think about decisions long after I’ve made them. For example, when buying new outfit for my husband or little one I put items in the cart and go back and forth for days before finally choosing the one that is perfect. (Then I think of all the reasons it might not be…and start over).
A huge part of my life has been making lists and accomplishing items of it throughout the days or weeks. As a teacher I always had a running list that I started the day school let out and it continued through the next spring. It was items I knew I could accomplish and more difficult tasks like creating curriculum or revamping my tiered teaching that I wanted to get done. Seeing my to-dos in list form has always made them easier in my mind. It’s just words on a paper that I can cross off instead of the entire task overwhelming me.
During this quarantine I have found myself so many times thinking about how I am spending my days. I am in no way comparing my journey through this with anyone who is fighting the fight out there; I just have a lot of reasons to come out of this changed.
The amount of lists I have created during this quarantine is over 20. I have made lists of daily to-dos, weekly and even monthly items.
Some of my lists have been scribbled in notebooks or more carefully written on a board outside my kitchen…yet I keep having this nagging feeling that this isn’t what I want to come out of quarantine thinking about. I don’t want to remember all the LISTS.
So here is my final list of what I’ve learned about being a mama during this all:
- I’ve learned that I need to give myself grace. I do not have to get all the laundry or dishes done in one day.
- I can let someone else make dinner and not feel like I have let anyone down.
- I’m a really great cook/baker and I miss having an audience to give my food to so they can try and critique it.
- I generally hate hugs, but I miss them. I miss just having a moment where someone else asks how I am doing.
- I am a better and more fun mama when I get the chance to relax.
- I need more me-time or time when I’m not solely focused on other people’s happiness in order to recharge.
- I have so much to be thankful for, healthy family and friends, phones and video calls.
- I have never loved the sunshine more than now, my favorite moments have quickly become long walks with my hubby and little man.
- I’m thankful for every second I am able to spend with my healthy son. I cannot imagine those parents going through the worst of things and not being able to hold their children. I have the privilege to be a mama to the sweetest little one and I’m not taking anything for granted. Midnight wake-ups, I got it! Extra snuggles before nap time-count me in!
- I have also realized that maybe doing everything yourself is maybe not the key to happiness. It might make everyone else’s life go more smoothly, yet it takes a toll.
Whenever we get to hug our family and feel safe heading into the next chapter of our lives I have this one wish for myself.
TO NEVER MISS A MOMENT
Instead of taking a picture on my phone I want to be in the moment. Instead of spending all day rushing around cooking, cleaning, and being busy I want to slow down and smile at my baby. He knows nothing of what is happening and I pray he stays healthy and happy. I want to feel like I have lived my life instead of rushing through it, worried, stressed and frustrated.
Remember Mamas-this is changing everyone’s lives, and it is important to remember that you’re going through something different than anyone else, but this is your story.
Why I Choose to Run
If there is one thing that I’ve learned over the past 14 years, it’s that running is my stress-reliever. I started running when I was a freshman in high school on the track team. I played basketball and my junior year started running cross country as well.
I loved the competitive nature of running, against others and the excitement of beating my own times. Running always gave me a sense of freedom. Once I had put in enough training I knew the rest was mental. If I wanted to finish a race, or PR I had to focus on nothing but breathing and an occasion glance that the clock.
Becoming a collegiate runner was not on my to-do list, yet I ended up running as a way to get in my exercise. I had actually turned down a position on the cross country team before arriving at school, yet was recruited by my RA so strongly I ended up meeting with the coach and becoming part of the team.
I loved the camaraderie of being part of a team, of working towards a common goal and the conversations had while running.
Once I had graduated I again chose running as an outlet for stress and a way to exercise without thinking. I have done many road races and two half marathons, I will be participating in a half marathon this summer and I cannot wait.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to make it through in regards to running was taking time off while being pregnant. There was nothing harder for me to hear than that I needed to take months off. I ended up taking nearly 6 months off of running before delivery and then another 6 weeks postpartum while waiting to be cleared by the doctor. When I was finally cleared and I went on my first run I actually SMILED the entire time. It was without a doubt one of the best runs I’ve ever had. Of course it was slow and rough, but it felt so amazing to stretch my legs and get out there!
Here’s the caption of an Instagram post I wrote in January….
A few things I’ve learned since running post baby:
- My body is stronger than I ever thought.
- It is possible to workout after baby.
- Running after delivering a child is life-altering.
- It feels so much different.
- The exercise is good for the body and mind.
- I’m worth taking time for myself to exercise.
What to Wear: A Top Ten List for New Mamas
Let’s face it. Our bodies go through amazing changes during pregnancy and immediately after. We start off at a weight, before finding ourselves pregnant and then over time we have a variety of clothing needs.
Below you will find a list of everything I have come to love since becoming a new mama. I have traded in my work attire, for clothing that is both flexible and functional.
Check out the links below for some of my favorites!
Top Ten:
- If you are going to be breastfeeding, invest in some quality nursing bras. I bought six after delivering my baby, and have been so thankful! It gives me enough, that even when I can’t get laundry done everyday I still have something to wear. My favorites are from Amazon, they are both affordable and comfortable.
- Leggings or comfy pants are a must! Those first few weeks after delivery, I was incredibly sore and did not want to put on any jeans right away. I still love them now, as they are easy to wear while playing on the floor with my little man, or running around doing errands.
- Nursing sweatshirts; light or heavy depending on the season. These are great to wear when you have company over, you need a quick outer layer or you are looking for something that is comfortable and easy to nurse the baby with.
- Jeans-I bought a size up from what I was pre-pregnancy right before I delivered. They were a little stretchy and I had a goal of being able to fit into them at some point, it turned out being sooner than I thought, but I was thankful I had a pair that made me feel good and did not rush me into losing a ton of weight.
- Sweaters with open fronts are another favorite of mine. I love the chunky sweaters from Target. I have used them for so many reasons, from pregnancy to birth, to the last few months. I love them as they are easy to throw on and function for many other helpful purposes as well. I have used them as a blanket, a nursing cover, a towel and even a pillow on a long car ride.
- Easy slip-on shoes! I love boots with no zippers, flats and sandals. Anything that makes it easier getting out the door with the baby easier.
- Nursing tank tops. I love sleeping in a nursing tank, as it makes nighttime feedings so much easier to manage.
- High rise leggings are another favorite of mine. I have been doing my best to get in a cardio workout or run nearly everyday since the doctor cleared me a few months ago. High rise leggings are amazing and make squats, jumps and runs so much easier as I do not feel like I have to continually pull my pants up!
- Supportive running shoes have become a go-to of mine. My pregnancy was spent standing, walking, hiking and running. Due to that I have felt a difference in my knees. I used to only choose shoes based on brand and the design I liked (I knew a few brands that were supportive so I just picked a pair I liked the look of). Now, I choose first based on support and comfort, letting design take a backseat. It has been so worth it!
- Supportive sports bras are my last must-have for new mamas. If you are nursing it is so nice being able to wear something that keeps you supported and comfortable while working out.
Adding a Shaping Helmet into the mix of Mamahood
We found out about a month ago that our little man might need a shaping helmet. There was no way that we could have ever imagined we would be the parents who needed a helmet for our child.
After trying repositioning for months, and tummy time as much as we could, the doctor told us that getting him a helmet was the best choice.
We knew the facts:
- He didn’t need the helmet for developmental reasons
- He didn’t need the helmet because we were not good parents
- He needed the helmet because he has been such a fantastic sleeper since he was a month old
- He would have a lovely little shaped head after wearing the helmet
- It wouldn’t bother him as much as it would bother us
Even after knowing the facts, it was difficult to mentally prepare ourselves for something that so many people stare at. We knew we were making the best decision for our little man, even the doctor reassured us that we wouldn’t regret getting him this helmet.
We are currently in the first week of him wearing the helmet. He has been a little rockstar, not caring really at all. I think it’s been the most difficult when it comes to nursing him. Usually the moments he snuggles are during feedings and instead of his warm little head, I have this plastic helmet digging into my arm. I know without a doubt that we made the right decision and that in a few months when he gets the helmet off for good we will be so happy we went through this.
This weekend we on our first few outings-to Sams Club and to church. I can’t tell you the amount of people who STARED. We had many people question why he might need a helmet, asking “what’s wrong?”…nothing! I wanted to print a T-shirt that says “our baby has been a fantastic sleeper since birth, we did nothing wrong and this helmet is only to give him a great shaped head!”.
My one suggestion for everyone out there who comes across a mama or daddy and baby with a helmet is to just smile, or say the baby looks sweet. As I am now in the shoes of the parent with a helmet on their child I have realized that what people say doesn’t matter on one and on the other it matters so much. Hearing people talk about your child negatively impacts you as a parent, impacts your day and your mood, yet hearing positive comments and encouragement-well that just makes a world of difference.
To all the people raising a little one with a helmet I encourage you to let your network of people know that you need support through this time. If I’ve learned anything it’s that the baby doesn’t care what they look like at all, but the parents well they notice the stares and comments under breath that are passed around.
I am thankful in all this to have a support system. Go find yours!
Stay at Home Mamas Need Appreciation
Five months. A little over five months I have been a stay at home mama. I spend my days working to keep the house clean, and taking care of my little baby.
Why do I feel under appreciated?
I know I am working so hard all day long and never napping, resting or taking time for myself. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt I am doing everything I can to both keep the house running smoothly and raise my child to the best of my ability.
Sometimes though, I wish I felt appreciated.
Being married to someone who works all day to earn a living so I can stay at home and raise my child is such a difficult experience.
I went to college to earn a degree, worked to make a salary I was proud of and handed that all over when I had my child. For the first time I’ve started to feel inferior.
I couldn’t tell you if it’s because I feel like everything I do is expected since I just “stay at home” all day. Maybe it’s because I budget for hours to save, pay off debt and buy necessities for as little money as possible-knowing full well I didn’t earn any of it. Maybe it’s because I feel guilty spending money I myself didn’t earn.
I don’t for a second regret staying home with baby, I just wish there was a handbook for the emotional rollercoaster that staying home has taken me for a ride on! I knew it would not be easy, leaving a job I loved and was really good at, I just thought with time everything would feel like it was a new “normal”.
There will never be a moment I will regret seeing my baby roll over for the first time, giving him his first solids, hearing his sweet laughter. However, I think if those who come in contact with a stay at home mama remember the things below-you might just make someone’s day by appreciating the small things they do to keep everything running smoothly at home.
Here are the top ten reasons why Stay at Home Mamas need to be appreciated:
- We stay awake at night, checking on the baby, going over finances, making plans, paying bills and overthinking every decision of the day.
- We listen to other people’s work problems and stories, wishing we had more adult conversation in the day.
- We wash, fold and put away more laundry than one could ever imagine would get dirty in a day.
- Meal prepping, planning and execution takes a lot of effort to accomplish while baby is present or even napping.
- We give baby variety of options in the day for play; tummy time, jumper, bouncy seat, our laps, the floor-all in an attempt to ensure they have diverse choices and surroundings to give them the best possible daily experience.
- We take baby EVERYWHERE. Up the stairs, down the stairs, to the kitchen, to the laundry room.
- There is a constant dialogue between us and baby. We are always talking and explaining our world, what they see, what toy they have, what the weather is, where we are going. We want to give them such a rich vocabulary.
- We are tired. Our body housed a little one for 9+ months, (sometimes more, sometimes less) even if she is an adoptive mama, she carried around the weight of bringing a little one home, we sleep less than we knew was possible, we are constantly rushing to get this or that done as quickly as possible before baby wakes up.
- We lose a giant chunk of independence once our baby comes. We are now 2 instead of 1, everything we do takes an extra step or extra bath or buckle, or car seat.
- We give so much love all day, we need a little recognition to fill us back up.
Nap When the Baby Does!
I don’t know about anyone else but in the past year I cannot count the number of people who have told me to nap when the baby does. Even before I gave birth, everyone I met told me to nap as much as I could before the baby came.
I’ve never been a nap taker, as a child I would skip naps because I was definitely sure I would miss out on some amazing part of life while I was sleeping. That mindset has transformed into habit, and I can count on one hand the number of naps I took before the baby came.
Now, my baby is just over 5 months and I still never nap. There is some drive in me to get as much accomplished as I can while he sleeps. It might be rushing to throw laundry in the washer, to fold the next load or quietly stacking dishes in cupboards so that doesn’t wake him up. I am constantly trying to make myself feel better about not going back to work and prove that I am still doing SOMETHING of value.
Yet, every time the thought crosses my mind that I need to prove I’m doing something all day, it makes me incredibly frustrated.
I always said I was going back to work after baby. There was no doubt in my mind, until I started thinking of daycares, my long commute, missing his milestones. Those are the reasons I chose this. I CHOSE to raise my child. To wake up every morning to look into that smiling face, to change diaper after diaper, to snuggle him close and work in his development. I don’t need to prove anything.
I may never get my naps, but what I get is worth that. I get to see my child change rapidly before my eyes. I’m finally experiencing that “amazing” thing I thought I’d miss out on by napping. I’m experiencing life with my baby.
None of this means I don’t wish sometimes I could sleep for hours on end and relax, doesn’t everyone? It just means I’m grateful for his naps to give me a recharge and the ability to get things done around the house.