It’s time for me to bring the baby home already?

There are not enough books to read or stories to listen to that would have prepared me for what would take place at the hospital.

Everyone’s birth story is different, mine is no exception. When I finally delivered my sweet little babe, the amount of exhaustion, love and excitement that washed over me is indescribable. It was so surreal to be holding my little miracle in my arms. I thought the birth was so difficult, I could not wait to get home.

Why didn’t anyone tell me what a rollercoaster of emotions I was going to be?

Our sweet little love was born around 4 p.m. leaving plenty of time for visitors to come and meet him. I truly couldn’t wait for everyone to cuddle my baby. When they came into the room though, I just wanted him back. After months and months of our little love spending 24/7 growing inside me I suddenly had to hand him over to everyone else. I felt so torn, I was exhausted and in pain and in love, yet I didn’t even have time to process my emotions before I was surrounded with everyone. There was so much love for my sweet baby in that room, I felt so happy. No one can explain to you how much part of you wants a minute to breathe and the other minute you want nothing more than to have others taking care of you.

That first night in the hospital with our little love was almost more exhausting than the day had been. After being awake for over 24 hours I held our babe, passed him off to his daddy and we tried to share sleeping for a few minutes here and there. Everyone told me to sleep, but how could I when there was the most amazing little man laying a foot away in his bassinet?!

When sunlight finally started peeking through the blinds I could not wait to get the okay to head home with our little man. After several hours of waiting, when the okay came I wanted to leap for joy! Instead I was wheeled to the front doors of the hospital, where I declined them wheeling me to the car (bad mistake!). I thought I would cry from the pain of that walk, but I held it in and just asked my husband to walk snail pace with me.

Finally coming home was a mix of emotions all over again. It was excitement at being in a familiar place, and pure fear of having to take care of this brand new little person on our own.

It was decided that everyone in my family and his would come to our house that night for pizza. In those first few hours alone with our baby at home we realized two things, one that no matter what we had prepared, we still needed help, and two that we needed sleep more than ever before.

I spent that first night trying to nurse my little love, catch moments of sleep and rest my aching body. I’ve never been so thankful for my family as I was that night. They cared for me so much, and helped me survive the first night at home.

My family took care of our sleeping babe so I could rest, bringing him to me every few hours for feedings that first night and I’m sure without that support I would have had such a hard time adjusting.

Looking back now, my panic over him sleeping, and eating and our exhaustion seems silly. I am ever so grateful we made it through that first night and weeks with our baby at home on our own. So many tears were shed and coffee was drank, trying to survive each day. Every moment I spent worrying brought me closer to where I am today. I am filled with love and delight from our little man and love where our story started and how far it has come since that first night months ago.